It has been 4 years since my dad passed on peacefully. One of the lessons I learnt from being his caregiver has been to ensure the elderly being cared for, should remain active in mind & body.
My father had always maintained a disciplined diet, rigid sleep pattern & active lifestyle ever since he retired. This enabled him to remain actively contacted with his family, relatives & friends, giving him a sense of joy & comfort despite being a widower in his golden years.
So, for all caregivers, the best thing we can do is to keep the elderly connected by making them read regularly, watch television & surf the internet, bond with their friends & exercise through walking or even sports if possible. We should not underestimate the value of work/jobs in their lives if they are still able and well.
As my dad was getting older, I stopped giving him some simple clerical duties as I thought it was tiring & “unfilial” to do so. Little did I know the simple folding & sorting of billing statements he did for my office meant a lot for his well-being -- it filled him with pride & satisfaction when he saw how the envelopes & statements were documented & sorted out in order. By giving our elderly loved ones simple tasks of helping at home or outside so long as it doesn’t stress them physically & mentally, we are improving their well-being. I believe it improves their self-worth & gives them something to look forward to.
I believe that as caregivers, we should also take time to update ourselves on the latest elderly care talks & events taking place so that we can gain & apply these knowledge to benefit our elderly loved ones. Things like dementia, urinary incontinence, osteoporosis, Alzheimer’s etc. are REAL and can change the lifestyle of both the one cared for and the caregiver dramatically, if left unchecked & uncontrolled. Learning more about these illnesses can help care givers manage the condition or even in some cases improve the condition of their loved ones.
Lastly, as caregivers we ourselves need as much support as possible, especially from our siblings, friends or relatives. In our Singapore culture, some are filled with the guilt of not being able to show filial piety in taking care of their elderly parents but try their best to make up by setting high standards of care & control over the care givers.
It is easy to be ‘critical’ of the care giver as the measure of care, particularly, for one’s relatives & loved ones remain high and why shouldn’t it be. However, not all can be revealed through a visit once a week or month in a couple of hours. Caregivers are 24/7 and normally live in with these elderly folks. Many do so without expecting any gratitude or rewards, and although some engage helpers to do so, they often share some of these duties with them or may even be constrained to do so to provide that extra personal touch as a son or daughter. Whatever the reasons, this is no easy task for anyone, and support & encouragement should be extended to them.
Feedback or suggestions of improvement can be given in a way that doesn’t hurt or affect the caregiver’s spirit. Small steps of support can mean so much to these caregivers. Undermining or questioning the caregiver without reasonable explanation & basis doesn’t improve the situation for all unless one is prepared to take over totally that role.
It is my hope that St John’s Home for Elderly Persons with its new premises, will be able to expand our services beyond Sheltered Home services to meet the needs not only of the elderly in the future but of caregivers as well.
